


Growing Apart - Growing Together

by Owl94



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Drug Addiction, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Humor, I get overambitious, I won't be offended if you skim the middle, Opium, Personal Growth, Post-Canon, but like enjoy watching them heal and grow, canon pairings - Freeform, fixing what the comics fucked up, fluff at the end, sorry I'm so wordy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 08:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9596429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owl94/pseuds/Owl94
Summary: This is all my response to the events in the comics Smoke and Shadow. Mai and Zuko post break up dealing with their issues. TW: drug addiction, parental death





	

**Author's Note:**

> This all takes place after the events in Smoke and Shadow. Not gonna lie I'm not super sure on the timeline for all this, the important thing is Mai and Zuko broke up after her father tried to overthrow him. (It's canon, don't blame me that canon sucks. This is me trying to fix it in my very long winded way.)

            Fire Lord Zuko was exhausted. He had just returned to the throne after his mother and younger siblings’ first visit to the Capital.  It was incredibly important to him that he had been there for them when they finally got to return home, that he still had a family, even if it was a new family.

            Spending time with Ursa, Kiyi, and Noren had been soothing and stressful at the same time. He felt so close to them, even though he was still getting to know them. Although he was afraid of rushing in or caring too much he could not deny how special it felt to spend time with them. When he was with them he felt like he belonged to someone. He felt like he mattered to someone. He felt like there was someone in the world who was proud of him. He felt this way around Iroh too, but this was different. Ursa and Kiyi were not around when he was young and conflicted. He had never hurt them the way he had hurt his Uncle, and although he knew that Iroh did not hold it against him, Zuko held it against himself. There was always a lingering self of guilt and debt in his mind that surrounded the place in his heart he held for his Uncle Iroh. Zuko had made many mistakes in his life and it was unfortunate how many Iroh either witnessed or was the victim of. It was different with his new family. There were no wrongs to right on his part. But still, he was terrified he would ruin it, or that he wanted too much from them. After all Ursa had left and become a whole new person. This was her whole new family. They were being so kind and willing to work with him, but a part of him knew he would never really be a part of their family, not in the same way. Another part of him feared they didn’t want him to be a part of it at all.

            Things with Ursa and her children were especially sensitive for Zuko since Mai had broken up with him. It was a loss he never saw coming and one that he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to truly shake. He missed her so much. He missed that he was the only person she would really open up to, it made him feel special and worthy of someone’s trust and affection. _Guess I was wrong about that_. Zuko wasn’t sure he would ever be able to live down the guilt that came along with Mai finally calling him out on not opening up to her. The thing he valued most about her was the one thing he had not given her. _How stupid am I? Why can’t I do anything right? I always knew I would let her down._  

            Zuko groaned and buried his face in his arms. He was in his private chamber at his desk and had been trying to look over official correspondence from the Earth Kingdom about the secession of the former Fire Colonies, but the words were swimming before him. The Earth Kingdom did not want to part with the land, he knew that. He knew he would face problems on this front the second the Fire Colonies made it clear they wanted to remained merged with the Earth Kingdom citizens within them. It frustrated him, mainly because it was so obvious to everyone that talked to the people that this is what they wanted. But no, leaders never cared about their people. They just cared about power, which is why the Earth Kingdom was being so obstinate about this whole process.   

            As much as he hated to admit it, Zuko just did not have the energy to deal with this right now. He was still coming down from the high of spending time with his family, and frankly still shaken up by the coup attempt a few weeks before. He could not believe there were people who wanted his father, the tyrant who cared for nothing, not even his own children let alone his people or the world, back in power. Zuko tried not to take it personally, but it was difficult. He had been working so hard to be good to his people and be the leader they needed and still it was not working. Even he knew he had not handled it well and had instilled fear in the hearts of his citizens that he could be a tyrant just like his father. He felt horribly guilty about his actions but beyond the guilt he knew that in order to right his wrongs and really prove to his people that he had their best interests at heart and they could trust him he would have to work even harder. It might take years before the world fully trusted him. That is the nature of trust, it is easily broken and almost impossible to repair. _Which is why Mai is gone._  

            Zuko kept his head down on his desk and his eyes squeezed shut against the torches that blazed on either side of his desk. He was overwhelmed and trying not to give in to his temper. _Anger won’t help this. Being patient and rational will help this_.

            Just that thought angered another part of him and he had to take deep breaths and start counting to keep his cool. Why couldn’t he be angry? He had so much to be furious at. His father had not only ruined his face and his life for the majority of his youth, he had also come close to destroying the world. And now it was Zuko’s job to fix all those decades of atrocities? Ozai may have been abandoned to a prison cell but he wasn’t really paying for his deeds. He did not actually have to own up to his mistakes or right his wrongs. No. Zuko did. Because everything always fell on Zuko’s shoulders. _Not only do I have to heal myself, I have to somehow heal the world._

            Zuko felt very small and confused, and the world felt very big and unforgiving. _I wish I didn’t have to do this alone_. _I wish Mai was still here._

 

            Mai’s bed chamber was pitch dark. The sun had set a few hours ago and unlike most Fire Nation rooms Mai’s had no candles or lanterns in it to give it a soft glow. After everything she had been through Mai found herself wishing she was not a part of the Fire Nation, a private wish she had harbored for most of her life that had been rekindled by the recent events. Just the sight of flame brought back painful associations which is why she had emptied her room of all candles and lanterns, even though everyone thought she was crazy. She didn’t care. Let them think whatever they wanted. She was tired of pretending to be ok and not care about things for the sake of other people. She was tired of being surrounded by selfish and manipulative people who didn’t care about her feelings and preferred her apathetic and compliant. She wanted someone in her life who genuinely cared about her and her feelings and her thoughts. For a while she had thought she had found that. First with Zuko and then with Kei Lo but neither had been true. Zuko had never opened up to her, nor ever wanted her to truly open up to him. He just wanted her to be a balm for his pain. A mellow and affectionate presence to make him feel valued and not alone. To soothe his temper and take his side against his sister or whoever it was he felt victimized by at the moment. He didn’t really care about her or her feelings. He didn’t know how to care about anyone but himself, because he saw himself as the only victim in the entire world.

            Thoughts like these had made her angry before. She had practiced her knife throwing for hours every day imagining hitting Azula or her father. She had tried to imagine hitting Zuko but even her imagination couldn’t bring herself to hurt him. Instead she would imagine complex scenarios where he was attacking her and she had to stop him by pinning him to walls by his clothing or that Azula was attacking him and she had to save his life. Eventually though she grew tired of thinking about them. She didn’t want to continue to be ruled by the people that had used and manipulated her for her entire life. She wanted to finally be her own person and be free from the worries about how Azula or Zuko felt or how to fade into the background and not have her parents notice her. She wanted to feel whole and vibrant and happy. To feel loved and valuable and free to be herself at all times. It was a possibility she had never imagined for herself before and that she still didn’t fully believe she could accomplish but it was something. A small hope of a brighter future beckoning to her and reminding her what mattered.

            She heard a clock gently chime from the main part of the house. 10 o’ clock. She shifted in her bed, moving over to the center and waited. Exactly on cue she heard tiny footfalls followed by a gentle creak of the door to her bed chamber opening. Tom-Tom was less motivated about closing the door after himself and left it open a few inches. Mai didn’t really mind, even though it let in the flickering glow of the rest of the house. She knew Tom-Tom was small and struggled with her heavy door. She also knew he was scared and wanted to feel safe. It meant more to her than she could have ever imagined that she had become Tom-Tom’s safe haven.

            She lifted the covers gently as Tom-Tom climbed onto her bed. He slid in next to her and buried his face on her chest with a small sigh of relief that broke Mai’s heart just a little. She hated seeing how scared he was. It reminded her of when she was young and began to realize just how little her parents really cared about her. She had felt so alone and unloved and she hated remembering it. She wrapped one arm around Tom-Tom and pulled him close to her, grateful that she was there for him, but sad that no one had been there for her.

 

            “Patience Zuko, your goal is to flow through the movements like water.”

            Zuko wanted to shout and throw a fire ball and storm off but he forced himself to be still. “Uncle, remind me again why we are going through waterbending forms.”

            “Waterbending is all about restraint and flow. It’s a gentle and contemplative practice that forces the wielder to fully listen to their body and emotions and be in control of their own energy regardless of the world around them. It will help you with your patience and your temper.”

            There was no judgement in Iroh’s speech but Zuko flinched a little anyway. He was still touchy about his temper. He was still touchy about everything if he was being honest. _That’s the whole point of this, not being so on edge all the time_. Even though he knew and understood he could still feel the anger inside of him. The voice that yelled it was unfair he had to work so hard, that he had the right to be angry, that he shouldn’t have to work so hard just to be ok.

            Zuko let out an angry sigh and ignored the steam that issued forth with his breath. He caught his Uncle Iroh glance meaningfully at it but mercifully he said nothing. _I want to be as patient and tactful as Iroh_. The thought, although obvious struck a deep cord in the young Fire Lord. Something inside of him clicked as he finally had a real goal to work towards. _I want to be like my Uncle._

 

            Mai had already bathed and dressed Tom-Tom, made breakfast, and cleaned up after it by the time her mother emerged from her room. She looked thin and pale, but somehow bloated despite the rapid weight loss she had experienced. Her eyes were dull and glassy and she walked as if in a daze to the table where a cold pair of eggs coated in fire flakes was waiting for her. There had also been sticky bun with lemon curd but Mai hadn’t waited long to eat her mother’s share. _I doubt she tastes any of it anyway._

            “Mommy!” Tom-Tom yelled and rushed over to sit in her lap. Michi looked down at him as if he was the first child she had ever seen in her life. Perhaps the first other living thing period. There was no recognition or affection in her gaze. Just confusion and maybe a little nausea.

            Mai did not bother saying anything to her mother She stepped into her room to get dressed and leave her mother to muddle through breakfast on her own. As she passed by her mother she caught a whiff off the sickly sweet scent that seemed to waft off of her at all times now. Mai knew that that was the reason for the faraway look in her mother’s eyes, as well as the weight loss. Mai’s mother had finally abandoned her children but she didn’t even have the decency to do it fully. Instead she was smoking herself into oblivion and wasting away one day at a time.

            After Mai’s father’s arrest and imprisonment thanks to his connection to the New Ozai society, Michi had become inconsolable. She refused to eat or leave her room. She spent all day sobbing and throwing things. She had broken three windows when Mai’s aunt had finally suggested Michi go visit the smoking lounge at a local apothecary. It had worked, to an extent. Michi left her room now, but only to make the walk to the apothecary’s. She would spend all day there slumped over and hallucinating. It was not uncommon for her to even stay the night. Mai said nothing as she watched jewelry, then vases and art, even furniture slowly disappear from their home to pay for Michi’s new addiction.          

            At this point, Mai had stopped caring. She had always expected very little form her mother so it was not as if that much had really changed as far as their relationship was concerned. There were two significant differences that were weighing on Mai, however. With her father now imprisoned their income was gone. Their lifestyle was not sustainable and although Mai was working in her aunt’s flower shop she knew that would not be enough. Especially if her mother kept selling their valuables. Mai had quietly hid away a few of the most pricey pieces in places she knew her mother would not be smart enough to find. Mai was saving up to leave, because of the second issue. Tom-Tom. He was still so small, only four years old. He couldn’t live like this, with a distant drug addicted mother and an imprisoned father. He deserved to be young and happy and loved and to not have to worry about these enormous problems. As much as it pained her to admit it, Tom-Tom was her responsibility now and she was not going to fail him.

 

            Zuko felt a little absurd running through the waterbending forms by himself. Once Zuko had the sequence memorized Iroh had encouraged him to practice every morning right after he woke up, to start his day on a calm and contemplative note. So here he was, by himself in his chamber, sunlight streaming in and reflecting off all the rich red silks in the room while he was trying to flow through a series of waterbending forms.

            _Be like Iroh. Be like Iroh. Be like Iroh_. He repeated this like a mantra trying to crowd out the thoughts that had previously stuck in his head. _This is stupid. I am stupid. I am idiot. I can’t be Fire Lord. I am nothing. I deserve nothing. That’s why Mai left me. I was never good enough for her. I never will be._

            Now that his own mind was not attacking him so constantly he found himself relaxing a little into the movements. He felt his breathing become more gentle and natural. He felt the tension in his body release and allow a flow in his movements. It was incredibly validating and he tried to slow his thoughts even more, searching for a silence and stillness Iroh had told him would eventually come to him. Although he was not there yet Zuko felt closer than ever before and it felt good. In fact Zuko was so absorbed in the movements of his body and the refreshing flow of his breath he didn’t register the commotion outside of his doors until they suddenly burst open, startling him out of his calm and sending an icy surge of pure fear through his body.

            Zuko surged forward out of pure instinct. He had no idea who was in his room or why. There were no thoughts only the training he had put himself through for years in order to respond to fear correctly, by attacking. Before he even realized what he was doing Zuko had shot out a long whip of flame to push back the would-be-attackers. He heard some tapestries catch fire as he quickly centered himself into a defensive position to finally assess the situation.

            “I think we scared him,” a familiar voice deadpanned. “I told you it wasn’t a good idea to burst in on the Fire Lord first thing in the morning.”

            “Sokka?” Zuko asked, still a little flustered.

            No one answered, instead Aang blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess that was my bad.”

            Katara suddenly appeared behind the two of them.

            “What’s going on in here? I thought I heard something!”

            Sokka rolled his eyes “We caught Zuko playing waterbender and he freaked out.”

            Katara’s faced dropped into a mask of confusion. “He was what?”

            Zuko felt humiliated and it immediately triggered his anger. “WILL YOU ALL JUST GET OUT OF HERE!”

            Sokka took a step back and put his palms up in mock surrender. “Ok, ok we get it. We’ll be having breakfast in your receiving room. Come find us when you’re ready.”

            He began to close one of the double doors and Aang quickly helped him by grabbing the other. Aang looked a little sheepishly at Zuko as he closed the door. “Sorry about that Hotman. Your waterbending form was really good by the way!”

            Zuko could hear muffled voices outside of his door as they all walked away.

            “Was he _really_ doing waterbending moves?” he heard Katara ask.

            He groaned and threw himself on his bed and covered his head with a pillow to drown out the responses. _Not exactly the calm start to the day I had in mind_.

 

            Mai was working in the back of the flower shop by herself. The shop was closed on Thursdays to work on all of the orders for the weekend and since there were no big orders to prep her aunt hadn’t bothered to come to work. Mai liked Thursdays. She didn’t have to be at work early and could show up at her own pace after a leisurely breakfast which was ideal. Mai was not much of a morning person. Besides that she didn’t have to interact with customers, which was trying to say the least. Mai was not much of a people person either.

            Thursdays were a calming time for Mai, even more so than her days off. She liked the shop when it was closed and not trying to be so aggressively opulent and cheerful, two things Mai barely tolerated separately and would never have imagined went together. The shop was trying to cater to both a wealthy upscale market and a more accessible middle class demographic. That meant that the shop windows were full of enormous displays in rich ruby or festive scarlet, which were meant for sitting rooms in mansions. Meanwhile most customers came in for small bouquets for birthdays or anniversaries or when someone was sick. The most opulent orders that ever came into the shop were usually for weddings and even then they were nothing compared to the clients Mai’s aunt desperately yearned for.

            The only consistent thing in the flower shop was the color red. There were more shades of red than Mai had ever realized. Ruby, scarlet, claret, crimson, royal (which was not the actual shade of red of the royal family but as close as commoners were allowed to get), and this season’s trending shade Peacetime. This was a bright slightly orangey shade of red that was relatively mild compared to some, borderline pink or coral. Mai felt there was nothing peaceful at all about such a bright and artificial color. To her peace would be a calm and natural color, one that was gentle and soothing. _Like the color of the light that filters through trees when the sun has almost set._ Mai couldn’t come up with what exactly that color would be. _Whatever it is it’s not in the Fire Nation. The only colors here are red._

            Mai looked guiltily at a giant vase filled with beautiful long stem white lilies as she measured out the correct mixture of red, blue, and a hint of brown dye to put in the bottom of the vase. These flowers were supposed to be berry colored a purplish red that Mai didn’t find too offensive. _They are prettier white. I wonder if anyone has ever even seen them this color. I bet they don’t know how many flowers we dye. They all think everything just grows in their ridiculous shades of red_. This was the legacy of the 100 Years War. The Fire Nation knew that in order to keep up morale they had to have their people fully on the same page, and that meant controlling everything, even the color palette they surrounded themselves with. By constantly wearing red clothing, decorating with red tapestries and rugs, and buying red flowers there was a level of conformity and identity within the Fire Nation that helped fuel the war. _I should have asked the new Fire Lord to ban the color red while I still had the chance_. Mai sighed with resignation as she carefully poured the dye into the bottom of the vase. The flowers would be berry colored within a day, but her thoughts had moved on to their favorite topic, her ex.

_Even if I had told him he wouldn’t have listened to me. He never listened to me. He thinks that just because he ended the war he can be a good Fire Lord, but what does he know? He barely even lived in the Fire Nation, I know what it’s like day in and day out. I spent my whole life listening to the politics and trends and news that defined the nation. I may not know what it was like in the villages but I know more than Zuko._

            Mai grabbed a broom and began to sweep up. Sweeping was one of her favorite activities in the shop. At first she had liked it simply because it meant she didn’t have to talk to anyone, it was an excuse to be in her own world. Lately, however, she had added another pleasing element to her favorite chore. As she swept up fallen petals and dead leaves she told herself she was sweeping Zuko out of her life and out of her thoughts. It hadn’t worked completely yet but it was helping. _He’s just like this dust that people always track in. He’s gathered in weird hard to find corners, but soon he will all be gone. Every nook and cranny of my mind will be free of him and if thoughts of him blow through on the breeze I will be surprised. Oh? Zuko? Haven’t thought of him in so long, funny how heartbroken I was back then. How silly I used to be._

            Mai treasured that version of herself. Older. Calmer. Happier. And completely over Zuko. _Unfortunately I’m still the silly heartbroken Mai…I just have to outgrow this. I can outgrow this. This is just a phase, one that will be over_ very _soon_.

            Even as she thought this though she felt that a part of her heart still belonged to Zuko. _It may never fully go away but it will shrink. I will fill my life with so many other things I love that I won’t even notice the section that belongs to Zuko_

 

            Zuko headed to his personal receiving room as soon as he had composed himself. Or at least as close as he ever got to composure. _Why am I so on edge all the time? These are my friends. They have saved my life more than once and I still feel nervous. What if I never find peace?_

            The thought had been haunting Zuko for a long time and the more he tried to combat it the louder it taunted him. It was the same dark voice that told him he was worthless and could never be a good Fire Lord. The same voice that told him he should not have to struggle for anything and that the world owed him peace. The same voice that told him he could trust no one and that no one wanted him around. The voice that reminder him over and over that he was broken and he shouldn’t try to get better, soon he would be disappointed and even more damaged than before, and even worse, he would have proved the voice right.

            Fighting the voice was hard, but so was living under its rule. That’s what Zuko had done for those long years when he was hunting for the Avatar and his honor. Even then the voice had taunted him, reminded him that he would never find the Avatar and that even if he did he would never have his honor. **_How could anyone so worthless ever accomplish anything? Your father did not take your honor away, you’ve never had any, you never will, never could, even if they said you did they’d be lying, they’d all know what I know, you deserve nothing, you are nothing, you should have given up a long time ago._**

            _I fought those thoughts once. I can do it again._  

            Zuko was so distracted by his own warring inner monologue that he entered the receiving room too quickly, as if he was being chased by something. Not exactly the dignified entrance of the leader of the Fire Nation that he had been aiming for.

            Everyone who was inside jumped a little, startled by his sudden entrance. Sokka was seated directly across from the entrance and the expression on Zuko’s face made him pause, bread roll already halfway to his mouth.

            “Hey, you ok there buddy? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Sokka said looking over Zuko’s shoulder warily as if to be certain there wasn’t a ghost following him.

            “I’m fine. Sorry…I’ve been…distracted, lately,” Zuko felt himself struggling to phrase the inner battle he had been losing the past few days in a way that wouldn’t alarm his friends. _I can’t tell them about this sort of thing. They believe in me…I can’t let them down by showing them who I really am._

            Zuko took a seat at the head of the table and began to fill his plate from the communal bowls all around him. There were red pepper komodo rhino sausages with that were filled with red pepper flakes, sticky buns filled with lemon curd, and soft boiled komodo chicken eggs, all Zuko’s favorites. He heaped the sausages onto his plate easily since they were almost untouched. There was only one sticky bun left however and Zuko saw Sokka reaching for it. Zuko jumped out of his seat and snatched the bun before Sokka could get it.

            “Hey!” Sokka complained but everyone else laughed.

            “Worked up quite an appetite water bending, huh _Fire Lord_?” Katara put an emphasis on his title as if it was absurd. _Great, even my friends think I’m a joke_.

            “I guess. My Uncle taught me a series of waterbending forms to help me get connected to my energy. Something about listening to myself and not being so reactive to the outside world,” he shrugged. “They are supposed to help me…calm down. Maybe even find some peace.”

            The whole table fell silent as the all gaped at him. Zuko had surprised himself by telling the truth, but he didn’t have the energy to keep telling lies. He’d would rather have them all call him a fraud and walk out then have to put on a show for them. He was fighting enough battles without having to hide from their judgement all the time.

            “That’s amazing!” Katara said suddenly, her voice was bright and excited, without a hint of judgement or sarcasm. “Your Uncle is right, you know. Waterbending is all about being connected to your own energy, finding strength and rhythm within yourself and then translating that peace and strength to your surroundings through bending. I could teach you! I’m great at helping people connect to their energies!”

            Sokka rolled his eyes, “Sure you are, like the time you tried to get Aang to do yoga and he started hallucinating that he was being attacked by the Fire Lord.”

            “It’s not like your therapy helped him either!” Katara snapped back at him.

            “Talking it out was _also your idea_ ,” Sokka yelled back pointing his spoon at her accusatorily.

            “Well at least I have ideas!”

            “What!? Are you kidding? I am _literally_ the ideas guy! Don’t start taking credit for my thing! You have your fancy water magic, isn’t that enough for you?”

            Zuko looked over the two of them who were still bickering and made eye contact with Aang. “Are they always like this?”

            “Pretty much, yeah.”

            “How do you stay so calm all the time with all…” Zuko looked at the still arguing siblings and waved his hand in their direction at a loss for words. “…this around you all the time.”

            Aang smiled, “I don’t mind. It’s nice to have people around, to have friends, you know? It reminds me of the Temple I grew up in. There was less arguing but always stuff going on and I miss that.”

            Zuko was disappointed with this response. A part of him had been hoping that Aang could help him.  Aang had to be the calmest, happiest, most at peace person he knew. _Besides Iroh of course_.

            The disappointment must have shown on his face because Aang quickly spoke again. “I also learned lots of meditation techniques from the Monks when I was growing up, and from Guru Pathik during the war. They help me stay in tune with myself and keep my energy balanced and flowing.”

            “Oh…” Zuko wanted desperately to ask Aang to help him learn some of these techniques but he was terrified he would say no. _Maybe it’s a sacred Avatar or Airbender thing. I don’t want to offend him_ … _or embarrass myself._

            “I could guide you through a Chakra meditation if you want!” Aang said, again able to read Zuko’s expression. _Note to self, control face._

            “Really? Isn’t that what helped you control the Avatar State? Do you think it would work on me?”

            Aang nodded. “Of course! Everyone has Chakras and everyone can get in tune with them. You won’t go into the Avatar State, but you will feel a whole lot better.”

            “I would be honored if you would share your wisdom with me Avatar Aang,” Zuko said gravely, giving Aang a small seated bow.

            “Hey! No problem, I’d love to!” Aang’s eyes darted to Zuko’s plate. “So… Are you gonna eat that sticky bun?”

            Zuko sighed in defeat. “Have it,” he said and tossed it to Aang. Before it made it to him it was intercepted in midair by Momo.

            “Aw come on!” Sokka exclaimed as they all watched Momo soar out into the hallway. “How come you didn’t fight him for it, huh Zuko?”

           

            The sun had not quite risen when Mai heard the insistent knocking on her door. She groaned, but got up quickly. _Today’s the day_.

            Ty Lee busted through the door before Mai even had a chance to open it. “Today’s the day!” she squealed excitedly. Her face wasn’t painted in the Kyoshi Warrior style since she was off duty. Mai was grateful Ty Lee was able to get the time off, and that she was willing to help.

            “I know I’m a little early, but I was so excited! I kept thinking about everything we have to do and then I got worried you’d oversleep and we wouldn’t have time, so I came right over to make sure you were awake!”

            Mai sighed a little but she couldn’t help but smiling. She didn’t mind that Ty Lee was early, Mai was excited too.

            “Thanks for coming,” she said and reached out and hugged her longtime friend. For perhaps the first time ever she felt Ty Lee, the perpetual bundle of energy, go completely still. It only lasted for a second however before she quickly returned the embrace, squeezing Mai a little too hard and holding on longer than Mai would have liked.

            “Ok, ok, enough.” Mai said, trying to disentangle herself from her deceptively strong friends embrace.

            Ty Lee let go and Mai looked down at the ground to hide the fact that she was blushing. _Huh. That’s new_.

            Weird things like that had been sneaking up on Mai for a while now. The more she worked towards finding the peace she was seeking the more bubbles of emotion were coming up, but not the crushing bleak emotions she was used to. Quick, happy, pleasant emotions kept rearing their heads. They startled Mai. She wasn’t used to feeling connection or belonging or enjoyment. Those were dangerous emotions she had buried long ago when she realized how little her family cared one way or another what she felt. But now that they were coming back, she liked them. She was afraid of them, afraid they’d betray her and things would go wrong again, but she tried not to fight them. Especially since usually, the person bringing them out in her was Tom-Tom, and whenever he saw her happy, it made him even happier.

            “So, are you all packed? I convinced some guy to take us to the ship. He’s waiting outside but just say the word and I’ll call him to have him help with your stuff.”

            “Weren’t you the one that told me _not_ to use men?” Mai teased.

            Ty Lee squared her shoulders in indignation. “I am _not_ using him. We need a ride and he wants to spend time with me, why not combine the two? Then everyone’s happy!”

            Mai laughed. “I doubt he will be quite as happy tomorrow.”

            Ty Lee shrugged, “I can’t control other people’s versions of the future. People need to learn to live in the present, like I do!”

            Mai nodded, “You’re not wrong. I already put the big stuff in the front room last night. If you could get your friend to load those two chests I’ll go get the rest.”

            Ty Lee nodded, “Easy!” Mai heard her call “Li!” in a sing song voice as she stepped out the front door.

            Mai went back in to her room to get her little brother and his things. She had explained to him that they were leaving, but she was trying to make it as easy on him as possible. She had let him keep out his favorite toys until the last second. She quickly gathered them up now and threw them in a sack with her last minute items. Then she gently shook his shoulder and woke him.

            He was disoriented and sleepy but she saw understanding flicker through his features quickly. “Is today the day?”

            Mai smiled at him and picked him up, carefully securing him in her sash against her chest so he could sleep against her for the journey. “Today’s the day,” she whispered happily.

 

            Zuko felt excited as he walked toward the Royal Gardens. Aang had told him to meet him there just before sunrise so they could meditate together. Everything was bathed in silver light that promised that the sun would come over the horizon soon in all its fiery glory. Zuko loved sunrise, as with most firebenders. It was an energizing time of the day and Zuko could feel his body vibrating with anticipation.

            Aang was sitting in a pavilion that was slightly raised compared to the rest of the gardens, giving it an unobstructed view of the rest of the garden and the horizon. He didn’t seem to notice Zuko’s approach, as he was intensely focused on his current task of standing on one hand.

            Zuko climbed the dozen or so marble steps that led to the pavilion and stood at the top waiting to be noticed. Aang’s concentration had not wavered, however and Zuko was getting impatient. The sun would be coming over the horizon soon and he didn’t want to miss it.

            Zuko cleared his throat loudly but Aang didn’t move.

            “Oh hey, Zuko. You made it just in time! I’ve been working on this new airbending sequence where I balance on one finger and I think I’ve almost got it.”

            Zuko watched as Aang lifted his palm from the ground and put all of his weight on his fingertips. Then, quickly, he removed the four, leaving just his index finger support his full weight. He stayed like that for about three seconds before he lost his balance and began to wobble to the side. Aang quickly corrected the movement into a twist, bringing his feet back under himself and landing nimbly on the balls of his feet.

            Aang beamed. “Pretty impressive huh?”

             “Um, I guess. But when you ever be fighting someone and need to balance on one finger?”

            Aang looked a little annoyed, “Airbending is about more than just combat! It’s also about learning exactly what your body and bending can accomplish when you aren’t so _limited_ in your thinking. Air is the element of freedom after all.”

            “So…you’re just doing it because it looks cool?”

            Aang’s big smile quickly came right back. “Exactly! Just wait until I get it all figured out, it’s going to be amazing.”

            As Zuko had stepped into the pavilion he had noticed a faint unpleasant smell. A breeze blew from behind Aang and wafted the scent strongly to Zuko and he grimaced. _Please tell me he’s not the thing that smells so bad. I don’t want to meditate next to that smell all day_.

            “Um, did you have onions for breakfast?” Zuko asked, resisting the urge to fan the air in front of him.

            “Oh! Thanks for reminding me!” Aang turned around swiftly and grabbed something off the ground behind him. He then returned to Zuko and presented him with a small wooden bowl full of some sort of yellowish sludge that reeked of onions.

            “Onion and banana juice! Just the thing you need to open up your chakras!”

            Zuko looked down at the revolting mixture and then back up at Aang. “What exactly am I supposed to do with this?”

            “Why, you drink it of course! And you’d better do it quick, the sun is going to rise any minute now!”

 

            This Fire Nation colony was nothing like the one Mai had lived in with her parents just a few years ago. Or maybe it was and she just had not noticed the first time around since she was so cut off from the daily lives of people. Either way Mai felt invigorated and grateful that she had made the choice to move.

            The streets were bustling with people. There were people who looked like they were from the Fire Nation, others who looked like they were from the Earth Nation, and others Mai couldn’t place at all. Construction was booming in the area and everyone could feel the latent energy of _something_. No one could put their finger on it yet but everyone in the area knew that big things were coming, and Mai was thrilled to be part of it.

            The best part of the new city? Here she was Mai. Not Mai, The Traitor’s Daughter, or Mai, Azula’s sidekick, or Mai, the moody knife throwing girl. Not even Mai, the Fire Lord’s Ex. Just Mai. A young woman from the Fire Nation who came looking for a new life with her baby brother. There was nothing suspicious about it, people were steadily being drawn into the city looking for opportunity or just a change of scenery.

            Thanks to a couple antique vases Mai had before she left she’d been able to rent a small dingy apartment on the fourth floor of a shoddy apartment building about a 15 minute walk from the main city center. Gone were the lavish homes of her parents with gleaming dark wood, thick patterned carpets, and tastefully hung tapestries that reflected the season. Mai and Tom-Tom’s new home could not have been more different.

            The door opened immediately onto the living room/kitchen space which was vaguely divided by a partial counter/bar that divided the room about a third of the way in. This theoretically marked the difference between the “kitchen” which consisted of an oven, a hotplate, and a tiny ice box, and the “living room” a square space with two windows cut identically on either wall, giving a view of the neighboring identical building on the far side and a view of the hallway on the side near the door. The first thing Mai had done when she moved in was put up curtains. She didn’t like the idea of people being able to look into her apartment.

            Off the living room was a small bedroom with an attached bathroom. The bathroom was not Mai’s favorite place. There was a cast iron tub that one could fill with water to bathe in, or just stand in and spray themselves with the hose like faucet attachment. The water was always cold. The toilet did work, but made gurgling and creaking sounds after every use as if always threatening that this time could be the last.

            Mai, probably could have afforded a nicer place to live but she didn’t want to risk anything. This way she knew she had money to rent the place for at least the next six months without having to work at all. And she intended to work. Hard.

            But in truth, she loved her apartment. Even though it was small and dingy. Even though she could hear her neighbors at all hours of the day. Even though she had to pay a Firebender to heat the water for Tom-Tom’s baths. It was worth it to have a safe space for her tiny broken family to finally be at home.

 

            Zuko sat in lotus position, facing East to watch the sunrise. His hands were in loose fists, meeting at his solar plexus. His spine was straight and his eyes gentle. _Whatever that means_.

            The first rays of sunlight were beginning to flow over the horizon. A yellow glow warmed the sky as a deep red light poured over the landscape. Zuko could feel the energy in his body getting coiled, ready to spring. Every fiber of his being wanted to do _something_. He just wanted to be in motion, be productive, to use this energy to accomplish something.

            “Firebenders draw their power from the sun,” Aang began. His voice was mellow and soothing. Clearly he wasn’t feeling the intense burst of energy that Zuko was. “The Fire Chakra is all about willpower, about accomplishing things, putting energy out into the world and seeing how you can shape it. This is an important aspect of how one deals with the world, but it cannot be the only strategy. It’s important to listen to the inner needs as well. To accomplish things that cannot be seen in the outside world. And to be still and flow naturally with life and one’s emotions and energies. That’s why I brought you here to watch the sunrise. I can feel how uncomfortable you are. You are practically humming with a desire to do things right now and that’s the exact impulse you need to learn to control. You need to learn how to just be with yourself in the moment, without moving, or acting, or trying to shape the situation.”

            Zuko watched as the sun continued its glorious ascent and lit up the world around him, and suddenly realized how much he hated that he was sitting outside starting at it instead of doing anything for his people. _I have responsibilities. I can’t waste my time doing this. I’m not a monk, I have to be in the real world, and that means doing things, not sitting here staring at the sun_.

            Zuko began to move but the second he shifted his body he felt the ground rise up beneath him and trap him in the meditation position Aang had coached him into.

            “Hey! What are you doing?” Zuko yelled as he tried to wriggle free.

            “I had a feeling this would be hard for you, but you asked me to help and I’m not letting you back out now. You are going to sit there and cooperate until I say you can leave.”

            Zuko felt himself getting angry. “You can’t do this to me! I have responsibilities to take care of! I have a nation to run!”

            “Your Uncle Iroh said he was happy to step in and run things in your absence.”

            _That old traitor, I should have known he was in on this_! _Wait…_ “In my absence? How long do you expect this to take?” Zuko asked, beginning to panic a little.

            Aang shrugged. “Opening the chakras is an intense process. It could take days.”

            Zuko felt his jaw drop. “Days? You expect to keep me in this rock prison for _days?_ I’ll starve out here!”

            “Don’t worry hotman, I brought enough onion and banana juice to last for a week if it comes down to that!”

            Zuko wanted to gag but he was afraid if he did the onion and banana juice from before would come back up, and the last thing he wanted was to experience that a second time around.

            “So you ready to start?”

            “You know you seem pretty enthusiastic considering you’re holding the Fire Lord captive against his will.”

            “That’s the best part!” another excited voice chimed in from behind them. Zuko couldn’t turn around but he recognize the voice as Sokka’s.

            “MAKE HIM LEAVE. I AM NOT MEDITATING WITH HIM AROUND”

            “Gee Sokka, I don’t think he likes you very much.”

            “KATARA’S HERE TOO?”

            Aang blushed. “They might have taken bets on how soon I’d have to Earthbend you to the ground.”

            “Yes, and you made it all the way through sunrise, just like I said you would. Now everyone pay up!”

            “UNCLE? You were in on this too!”

            Iroh strolled over the front of the pavilion with Katara and Sokka trailing a few feet behind so Zuko could finally see everyone. He felt absolutely ridiculous.

            “It’s for your own good Zuko. Besides, I could always use the extra cash and the way things are going I think I will profit handsomely off this endeavor.”

            “How many bets have you all placed?”

            “A lot” Sokka replied. “You guys haven’t even started yet and I’ve already lost three.”

            Iroh beamed. “And I’ve won them all!”

            Zuko groaned and Aang finally began to reign the situation back in. “Ok guys, you’ve had your fun, but the rest of this is private. No sneaking, no spying, no pranks. When we are done we’ll find you, but until then I want everyone out of the gardens.”

            Iroh nodded solemnly. “As you wish, Avatar.” He looked over at Zuko and smiled slyly. “I assure you that everything is in good hands in your absence Fire Lord. Have fun!”

            Sokka held his fingers up to his eyes and then pointed them back at Aang. “No lying when you come back to help your girlfriend win all the bets.”

            Aang held up his hand “Avatar’s honor, you have my word.”

            Zuko groaned again. “Just go already so I can get this over with.”

 

            Aang felt a little guilty as he trudged back to his room well past nightfall. The chakra meditation session with Zuko had not gone at all the way he had expected. _It’s my fault. I should have known_.

            Aang shoved open the door to his chamber, ready to throw himself onto the bed and get some much needed rest. _I will come up with a better plan tomorrow. For now, I need sleep._

            Aang was startled to see that there was already someone in his bed. A candle dimly burned and illuminated the slumped over figure just enough to identify them. It was Katara. From the looks of it she had been trying to wait up for Aang but fallen asleep at some point during her vigil. Aang smiled to himself. _I am so lucky, she is so wonderful_.

 He felt a flutter deep in his stomach as he realized that Katara was in his bed. They had slept near each other before during their travels but had never actually shared a bed. They weren’t married yet and it was not the proper thing to do. Seeing her in his bed was a surprise and a little exciting since he knew they were breaking the rules. He desperately wanted to crawl in bed next to her, cover her with kisses, and then hold her close to him all night. He wanted her the first thing he saw when he woke up to be her face. It had already happened to him once, after 100 years in the iceberg the, very first thing he saw was Katara’s face. He had known in that moment that he had run away to find her. That the universe had called him to her. Of course, at the time he had thought he had only been asleep for a day or two, not 100 years, but even after he adjusted to that information his mind didn’t change. He was absolutely meant to spend his life with Katara and he was glad to have waited 100 years so that it could have been possible.

            Aang blew out the candle and walked back out of the room, wistfully looking back at Katara’s sleeping form as he silently crept back out of the room. _I waited 100 years. I can wait a few more._ Patience was something Aang had in droves…and it helped that Sokka was always around and would probably kill him if he found out that Aang and Katara had spent the night together. _Appa’s probably lonely anyway. He hates sleeping alone_.

 

            Zuko was already awake when the first rays of sunlight began to stream into his chamber window. He had barely slept all night, tossing and turning, and occasionally slipping into a light sleep that was filled with nightmares that quickly woke him back up. As the warm rays of first light fell over his face he felt no motivation to move or face the day. _What’s the point? I’m a failure. I am broken and useless and I can’t even help myself. How could I have ever thought I could help the Fire Nation, let alone the world?_

            These thoughts had come back with a vengeance after his attempted meditation session with Aang yesterday. He could still hear Aang’s calm voice, his words weighted with the confidence in his wisdom. “The first chakra is the Earth chakra. It deals with survival and is blocked by fear. In order to have a solid foundation in your life, you must acknowledge and let go of your fears, and fully trust in yourself and your life. Trust your connection to the Earth and your place in the world and gently and with gratitude release your fears.”

            It had all sounded logical and fine, but when Zuko began to actually try to face his fears they had just kept coming and coming. It felt like there was an endless barrage of fears for him to face. Aang had seen him struggling and tried to help, gently coaching him through everything. Finally, Aang had stepped in and told him with the most kindness and patience he could muster. “Zuko, it sounds like your biggest fear is of yourself. You’re afraid of believing in yourself. Afraid of trusting yourself. You have this idea that you are not worthy and can never achieve enough. That you are going to let everyone down and that you don’t deserve and aren’t capable of keeping love. Those are fears, and you have to let them go in order to move on.”

            Aang was right. Zuko knew it, but letting that go wasn’t that easy. He had tried, and it had resulted in Zuko completely humiliating himself. As he lay in bed Zuko tried to push the memory back down, not wanting to revisit it, but it came back to him, forcing him to acknowledge and relive his own weakness.

            He had sobbed. Cried like a child. At one point his keening was so loud he began to worry the whole palace could hear his weakness, but he couldn’t stop. The tears just kept flowing and his breath completely deserted him until he was gasping for air so badly that Aang had finally freaked out and unbent the earth around him so he was longer trapped in perfect meditation form. Zuko had collapsed onto the ground, still sobbing, and had continued to cry as his young friend gently rubbed his back until Zuko finally managed to put a cap on the tears. He stiffly stood, bowed to the Avatar, and walked with as much poise and dignity as he could find given the circumstances, back to his own chamber. He hadn’t moved since.

            Zuko heard the door to his chamber open. He recognized the light, barely audible footsteps as Aang’s. A part of Zuko told him to get up, to greet his friend, to do anything but lay in his bed defeated, but it was a small voice that Zuko felt no need to heed. _What does it matter? He’s already lost all respect for me. I might as well just lay here_.

            “Good morning Zuko,” Aang said brightly. He didn’t sound pitying or awkward the way Zuko had expected him to. He sounded pretty normal actually. Zuko still didn’t move. To be perfectly honest he didn’t care. Right now all he wanted was to lay in his bed and rest. _I am tired. I deserve a break._

            “I see your Earth chakra is still open and active,” Aang commented as he walked towards the bed.

            _What is he talking about?_

            “What are you talking about?” Zuko asked, leaning up slightly on one elbow to look over at the young Avatar.

            Aang looked just as confused as Zuko when he replied, “Yesterday you opened your Earth chakra. You faced your fears and let them flow through you. You were authentic with your feelings and didn’t deny them or try to hide them.”

            Zuko continued to give Aang an open mouthed stare of utter confusion. It flustered Aang a little and he awkwardly averted his eyes around the room as he continued, discomfited by the extended eye contact. “And now you’re sleeping in. You’re acknowledging that you need rest and aren’t letting the fear of people judging you or that something catastrophic will happen if you put yourself first stop you from taking care of yourself. Well done!”

            Zuko felt himself sitting up as he tried to process what Aang was saying to him. “You mean…I did it right? I didn’t let you down? I didn’t make a fool of myself?”

            “Well, yes, but that’s not really what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that instead of letting the _fear_ of those things rule you, you did what you had to do. Like just now, before I came in here, you were afraid that you had…uh…made a fool of yourself. Your words!” He added quickly. He was clearly a little unsure of how to phrase this. “But you were living with that fear. Instead of working extra hard to prove yourself or punishing yourself you gave yourself permission to live in that fear and take care of your needs along with it. Fears never go away, it’s just our job to take care of ourselves as they arise and remind ourselves they are just fears. They aren’t reality. The more you do that, the easier things will get and the less fear will rule you.”

            Suddenly Zuko’s entire body filled with an immense burst of joy. He felt tears leak from his eyes and didn’t even care. _I did it. I am_ so _proud of myself._ And then in a smaller almost sheepish voice his thoughts added _I bet Mai would be proud of me too_.

The days progressed very slowly, but accumulated into weeks, then months, faster than Mai realized. _Six months. I have been living here by myself for six months._ She was so proud of herself. At first it had been hard. She was lonely and scared and unsure. The old heartbreaks and fresh losses would creep up on her at unexpected times, like when she was taking Tom-Tom out shopping and smelled sticky buns that smelled _exactly_ like the ones she used to eat in the palace. It had caught her so off guard tears had welled up in her eyes. She had bought a dozen that day. Turns out they were even better than the ones in the palace. She bought a dozen once a week, and the smell no longer reminded her of the palace, just of her new life.

            Mai had put her knife throwing skills to good use, mainly using them to win bar bets at first. Eventually she was hired by the unofficial police force of the city. She enjoyed her job. It was exciting and rewarding and she was really good at it. Unfortunately, today was her last day on the job. An official plan had finally been agreed to by everyone and the city was being granted its independence. That meant a real police force would be put in place soon and although Mai probably could have sought employment there, rumors were swirling that Toph Beifong was going to run the police and that was a little too close to home for Mai.

            She was at the ceremony in an unofficial capacity, to simply enjoy the festivities along with her brother Tom-Tom. He was the main reason she was there, but here new friends had also insisted she come along. They didn’t know that the reason she was so hesitant to go was that her ex-boyfriend would be there. They also didn’t know that her ex-boyfriend was _the_ Fire Lord. Mai laughed to herself as she realized that even if she told them, they probably wouldn’t have believed her.

            Maybe it wasn’t kind to admit it but a part of Mai wanted Zuko to seem petulant and angry. Selfish and consumed with his own personal problems to such an extent that it was turning him bitter and edgy. When he finally stepped before the crowd to deliver his speech Mai saw that exact opposite. Zuko stood taller and his shoulders seemed broader. He walked with confidence that didn’t seem forced and formal but instead reflected a true comfort in himself and spoke with conviction in his words. His speech was lost on Mai who was dazzled by how much he had changed. He didn’t seem like the same selfish teenager who had broken her heart (twice). He seemed like a poised and gracious world leader. Mai was surprised that this realization didn’t make her angry or jealous. _We are both in a better place. We needed this_.

            After the official ceremonies Mai spent the day with her friends, buying food from all the vendors, checking out cute boys in the crowd, and generally just having a fun day with the people she cared about. It had been a good day for the city and a good day for Mai.

            That was over now though and it was time for Mai to get back to her routine. She still hadn’t figured out exactly what she wanted to do for work. The offer to join the new police force of Republic City ( _it’s gonna take me a while to get used to the new name_ ) still stood, but she didn’t really feel like accepting it. She wanted something a little less dangerous, a little more stable. She had had her fill of combat for the time being. _It is a shame to let my perfect aim go to waste though. I wonder what other jobs would require that skill that wouldn’t involve people trying to kill me all the time_.

            She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t notice a familiar figure standing in front of her at the sticky bun cart.

           

            Zuko was having one of the best weeks of his life. Republic City was finally a reality after months of planning and meetings and diplomacy. Seeing the excitement of all the people on the official independence day had been so satisfying and uplifting. His speech had gone well and his mother had even been in the audience to see him give it. She had left right after but Zuko had decided to stay for a little while and to spend some time in this new city.

            He was already glad he had made the choice to take a look around the place he had fought so hard to help create for so many months. This morning he was being rewarded with _the best_ sticky buns he had ever tasted in his entire life. When he’d smelled them earlier Zuko had stopped and bought two just to be polite and support the local business. Then he’d tasted the first one and he immediately circled back to buy a dozen more and see if he could convince the cart seller to give him the recipe…or offer him a job in the Royal Kitchens.

            He was rehearsing his speech to convince the sticky bun seller to move to the Fire Nation when he saw her. The last person he had expected to see, but the one person he wanted to see more than anyone else. Mai.

            She was buying a dozen sticky buns and from the way the cart seller talked with her it was clear she was a regular of his. _So that’s where she’s been all this time._  

            After the arduous practice of opening his chakras, along with some intense self-examination and energy work, he had finally gone to win back Mai. When he got to her house and saw it was completely abandoned he cursed himself for waiting so long. He wanted to be better, to have actually worked on his issues before he begged her to come back to him. He didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. Their problems were his fault. Mai was right, he hadn’t been fair to her. He didn’t trust her or open up to her, and he understood now that it was because of his own fears and distrust of himself that he had kept her at such a distance. He had also realized that he was pretty self-absorbed and had never even thought about the things Mai had been enduring.

            When he finally figured out the story, that her mother had become an addict and that Mai had disappeared with Tom-Tom two weeks before her mother died Zuko couldn’t believe it. He had been trying so hard to do the right thing, to be considerate, and yet he hadn’t even taken the steps to check on her while he was doing all the self-examination. He had just assumed she was ok. It had been a serious wake up call for Zuko and after that he insisted on being much more aware of the problems of his people and taking steps toward solving them. His first order of business was making opium illegal in the Fire Nation.

            Now she was finally here in front of him and he didn’t know what to do. He knew that he had grown so much since they had last seen each other, but he also knew that might not be enough. He had hurt her and he had to live with that.

 

            “Excuse me miss, I think you bought the last of the sticky buns,” a male voice said over Mai’s shoulder. She froze dead in her tracks. _It can’t be_.

            Mai spun around and instinctively dropped into a defensive crouch a habit she’d picked up from her time on the police force.

            Zuko held his hands up in mock surrender. “I don’t want to fight you for them.” A warm smile spread over his features. “Although I could see why you’d think I would. These are _the best_ sticky buns I have ever tasted.”

            Mai surprised both of them by laughing. “You’re right, they are. Way better than the ones in the palace.”

            “Not for long. I offered the cart vendor a very lucrative position in the Palace kitchens.”

            “You did not!” Mai said with mock indignation. “What am I supposed to do without these? I buy a dozen a week!”

            Zuko took a few steps forward, so that he was standing only a few inches away from her now.

            “Well,” he said casually. “I suppose you could always come to the palace to have some.”

            Zuko was looking down into Mai’s face with such warmth and desire that Mai caught herself blushing. “Maybe you haven’t noticed Fire Lord, but I’m not exactly in the neighborhood anymore.”

            Although her remark was meant to be playful she saw Zuko become serious all of a sudden. “I did notice Mai but not soon enough and I’m sorry. I should have realized you would have needed more help after your father’s arrest. It was incredibly selfish of me to leave you alone after all that.” Zuko paused as he tried to come up with the correct words. Mai was too stunned to say or think anything coherent. “You were right. Everything you said about how I never really confided in you was completely true. I still had a lot of fear and anger and quite frankly I had a lot of growing up to do and you pointing that out to me helped me to finally realize it. It was hard and it took me a long time to even be in a place where I thought I could deserve you again, but by then it was too late.”

            Zuko took a slight step back and looked around him as if taking in the moment. Seeing him in the streets that Mai walked everyday reminded Mai that so much had changed. _It still feels the same though…No that’s a lie. It felt even better that time._

            “I’m amazed at how strong and mature you are. You moved her all by yourself to raise your brother. You look amazing and…happy. I’ve never seen you look so happy before.”

            Mai couldn’t stop herself from smiling at the remark. “You’re right. I am happy. I have never felt like this before. I’m finally not fighting my emotions and am just enjoying life.” She felt a little silly after she said all that. _Maybe that was too much information. Whatever. I’m allowed to be proud of myself_.

            “I’m glad you’re happy,” Zuko paused as if debating what to say next. “Listen…I know I’ve been really unfair to you, more than once, but I just need you to know that it was never about you. I have loved you since we were kids. I just…didn’t really know how to love someone. I wish I could take back the way I treated you but I can’t, all I can do is hope that you’re still a way more forgiving person than I deserve and that you’ll give me once last chance. I know I don’t deserve it, but I have to ask. I love you Mai and if there’s one thing I could never forgive myself for it would be not telling you the truth when I finally had the chance.”

            All the anger and bitterness and fear that Mai had held around the spot in her heart that still loved Zuko melted away. She knew people could accuse her of being naive and she didn’t give a damn. Her heart was telling her to take a chance and she was happy to listen to it.

            Without thinking Mai dropped the sticky buns and threw her arms around Zuko’s neck. He immediately wrapped his arms around her waist in return, overjoyed to finally have her back.

            “You look good in purple,” Zuko commented into her ear as he held her tight to him.

            Mai laughed. “I was tired of red, but I guess I’m gonna have to get used to it again.”

            “Say the word and I’ll make everything in the Fire Nation whatever color you want.”

            Mai hugged him tighter and laughed. She was so happy she wasn’t even sure how to express it, she just wanted this moment to last.

            “Red isn’t so bad, as long as it’s not the only option. Besides, red reminds me of you.”

            Zuko sighed as he felt himself relax even further into her embrace, not caring that they were still in public. “Flowers remind me of you. And fruit tarts. And rainy days.”

            He pulled away for a moment to look into her face. “Everything reminds me of you Mai. Hard to avoid since I’ve been in love with you basically my entire life. I’m sorry you had to wait this long for me to finally be open with you about it.”    

             “It was worth the wait.”  Mai leaned up and kissed him gently. Then she playfully grabbed his hand and began leading him back to her apartment. “But don’t flatter yourself too much, I’ve had a great time in the city without you. In fact I went to a very exciting independence day celebration yesterday and saw lots of handsome diplomats speak. All my friends agreed that the warrior from the Southern Water Tribe was _very_ good looking.”

            Mai laughed as she saw the indignation on Zuko’s face. “Why does everyone like Sokka so much?”

            Mai shrugged, “He’s not really my type.”

            Zuko kissed her and they continued on their walk. “Don’t mention that to Sokka by the way. I already owe him enough money, I can’t keep losing bets to him like this.”  

           

 

 

           

           

           

 

           

 

**Author's Note:**

> Edited slightly so there's a little more consistency and fluff, so it you noticed a change you're not crazy!


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